Short Summary
Untamed by Glennon Doyle is a powerful and introspective memoir that explores the author’s journey of self-discovery, liberation, and learning to live fully and authentically, ultimately encouraging readers to break free from societal constraints and find their own path to happiness.
Book Information
Title: Untamed
Author: Glennon Doyle
ISBN: 978-1984801258
Genres: Memoir, Self-Help, Personal Development, Non-Fiction
Published: 2020
In-Depth Summary of Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Introduction
Untamed is more than just a memoir; it is a manifesto for living authentically, defying expectations, and embracing the unknown. In this groundbreaking book, Glennon Doyle shares her personal experiences with marriage, motherhood, addiction, love, and faith, revealing how she discovered her true self after years of conforming to others' expectations. Written in an honest and conversational tone, Doyle’s narrative is both deeply personal and universally relatable, especially for those who have felt restrained by societal norms.
Doyle’s journey begins with an unplanned encounter that shifts her entire worldview, leading her to re-examine her values, beliefs, and the structures she had previously thought were essential to her life. Through a series of reflective essays, Doyle explores what it means to be “untamed”—to live without the constraints of what society tells women they should be, and instead embracing a life that feels true to their own desires and needs.
Key Themes and Messages
1. Breaking Free from Conformity
Doyle opens the book with an anecdote about seeing a cheetah at a zoo and feeling a deep sense of recognition in the animal's longing for freedom. This metaphor sets the tone for the book’s central message: the wild part within us that yearns for a life unbounded by rules and restrictions. Doyle describes how women, in particular, are often taught to be "good"—to follow the rules, prioritize others, and ignore their own needs.
She argues that this form of social conditioning stifles creativity, joy, and authenticity, comparing it to caging a wild animal. Doyle’s journey is about recognizing these "cages"—such as traditional roles, relationships, or religion—and making the courageous decision to leave them behind. Her story serves as an invitation for readers to identify their own limitations and begin the work of breaking free from them.
2. Rediscovering Identity and Self-Worth
After years of living for others—her family, her children, her church, and her community—Doyle experiences a crisis of identity. She describes feeling disconnected from her true self, realizing that her own desires and dreams had been buried beneath layers of expectations. Untamed is as much about Doyle’s journey back to herself as it is about redefining who she wants to be in the world.
Doyle recounts how, upon meeting her now-wife, soccer star Abby Wambach, she felt an awakening. This encounter served as a catalyst, prompting her to reevaluate every facet of her life. She describes this realization as a moment of clarity, one that led her to question the roles she had accepted unquestioningly and re-imagine what it meant to live truthfully.
3. The Power of Love and Authentic Relationships
A central part of Doyle’s journey to self-discovery involves her relationship with Wambach. Doyle details the intense emotional connection they shared from the start, as well as the challenges they faced in choosing each other in a society that often stigmatizes LGBTQ relationships. This relationship, for Doyle, represents a pure, transformative love that brings out her true self rather than a version of herself designed to please others.
In Untamed, love is redefined as something that should support and enhance one’s authentic self rather than constrain it. Doyle shares how her relationship with Abby, compared to her previous marriage, allowed her to be fully herself for the first time. She encourages readers to seek relationships that offer true connection rather than acceptance at the cost of one’s individuality.
4. Embracing Pain as a Path to Growth
Doyle does not shy away from the difficult parts of her journey. She openly discusses her struggles with alcoholism, depression, and bulimia, showing that healing is not a linear or easy process. In a particularly moving chapter, Doyle writes about "sitting with the pain," explaining that true growth often comes from facing uncomfortable emotions rather than numbing or avoiding them.
She introduces the concept of "feeling it all" as a way to move through hardship. Doyle’s belief is that, although society often encourages people to hide their pain or medicate their way out of it, there is great power in facing one's pain head-on. By fully experiencing and understanding her own pain, Doyle found clarity and strength to build a life that was her own.
5. Empowerment and the Strength of Feminine Intuition
Throughout the book, Doyle emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition. She encourages readers to listen to their own inner voices and to reclaim their right to self-knowledge. Doyle believes that, especially for women, intuition is a guiding force that is often suppressed or ignored due to societal expectations.
Doyle advocates for a return to this innate wisdom, which she calls "Knowing." She argues that by tapping into this inner sense of direction, women can make choices that feel aligned with their true desires and values. She writes, "The more a woman learns to trust herself, the more she learns to value herself."
Structure and Style
Untamed is divided into short, reflective essays, each one exploring a different aspect of Doyle’s journey. This structure allows readers to digest her insights gradually, making the book feel like an intimate conversation with a friend. The language is accessible, raw, and empowering, filled with memorable quotes and relatable metaphors that make her points resonate deeply.
Some sections are profoundly introspective, while others are humorous or poignant. Doyle’s style oscillates between poetic and direct, which makes the book both impactful and easy to read. Her honesty and vulnerability are present on every page, creating an engaging reading experience that feels like a mix of self-help and storytelling.
Memorable Quotes
On self-acceptance:
"I am a human being, meant to be in perpetual becoming. If I am living bravely, my entire life will become a million deaths and rebirths."
On the power of letting go:
"We are alive only to the degree to which we are willing to be broken open."
On choosing love:
"There is no one way to love. There is only the way we love when we are listening to our hearts and following our instincts."
On embracing pain:
"Pain is not tragic. Pain is magic. Suffering is tragic. Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming."
Major Takeaways and Lessons
Liberate Yourself from Expectations: Doyle’s journey in Untamed is about dismantling the limitations set by society and finding one’s own voice. She teaches that true freedom comes from shedding societal expectations and embracing one's inner desires.
Embrace Your Inner Voice: Doyle’s concept of the “Knowing” is a reminder to trust our own intuition. She urges readers to reclaim their inner voice, suggesting that this “Knowing” is a guiding force that can lead to a more authentic life.
Live Authentically in Relationships: Untamed redefines love and relationships as spaces where each person should be able to be fully themselves. Doyle’s relationship with Abby illustrates that a healthy relationship supports one’s true self rather than suppressing it.
Face Your Pain for Growth: Doyle’s insistence on "feeling it all" suggests that healing and growth come from embracing pain rather than avoiding it. By confronting our wounds, we open the door to transformation.
Conclusion
Untamed is a moving exploration of self-discovery, love, and authenticity. Glennon Doyle’s honest account of her journey encourages readers to examine their own lives, challenge societal norms, and follow their unique paths. The book is a rallying cry for anyone feeling trapped by expectations, offering a road map for breaking free and reclaiming one's true identity.
Doyle’s narrative is not only inspiring but also a testament to the strength and resilience that come from embracing one’s authentic self. Untamed serves as both a memoir and a guide for those ready to unlearn old habits, face their fears, and forge a life that feels truly aligned with their deepest desires.
One Sentence Takeaway: Untamed is a deeply personal memoir that calls readers to break free from societal expectations, embrace their true selves, and find empowerment through authenticity.